Lioness and the Snake
by Dawnfire321
Summary: Rodger discovers who Alanna is and agrees to keep her secret. But he, despite his promise not to, asks for something in return. Is Alanna's shield worth her soul? One sided romance. WARNING Adult-Teen pairing. Unlike some of my other stories this may live up to it's T rating. Read and Review
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**A/N So, I want to thank my Beta Reader, MageNellofGalla. She has been a wonderful help. Go check out her stories, she writes a lot for the Tortall legends. Remember to read and review.  
~Dawnfire**

* * *

Alanna sat on the rock, feeling drowsy. Guard duty was pretty boring but she wasn't allowed to do much else. Faithful kept watch at her feet. Alanna had just sent her watch partner to go for replacement when a twig snapped behind her. She turned and saw Duke Roger. "Your Grace; aren't you out late?"

"Not really." The duke replied, taking a seat beside Alanna. "You did a brave thing, tracking down Big Thor and hearing his story. It's a pity you collapsed before you made it back to camp. We may have caught the traitor." Alanna shrugged, not taking her eyes off the duke. Something was off about him... he seemed pleased. Too happy to inspire trust, anyway.

"Don't think I've not kicked myself many times about that sir." Silence fell. Alanna decided she wouldn't ask Roger why he was here. He would get to it in his own sweet time.

"We are not friends, are we, Alan?" Roger asked suddenly.

"No, your Grace we are not."

"But you see, young Trebond, friends share secrets. And I know one of yours; a very big one." Alanna's blood ran cold. She even fought a shiver, although she knew that coldness was coming from within. Faithful was beginning a growl, one of the silly cat growls that sound almost human. "I know who you are... Alanna."

"I don't know what you are talking about." Alanna snapped, purple eyes wide with fear.

"But you do. Don't worry, though. I won't tell anyone. I want us to be friends." The duke swept off.

* * *

Alanna didn't have time to think about Roger's parting words, or worry that he knew her secret until the war was resolved. Between being kidnapped, and recovering from her injuries, she didn't have enough time to be afraid of what Roger might do or say. But once they were back in Corus it was all Alanna could do to not worry.

She couldn't let Roger ruin her chance at her shield. She needed to talk to him. "This is a very bad idea." Faithful warned as Alanna trotted to Roger's chambers. He had an entire tower for sleeping and mage work. It was her day off, and Roger's as well. She hoped that he would be there.

Alanna tentatively reached up a hand and knocked twice. She took a step back and waited. A few moments later, the door opened and Roger stood in the doorway, a puzzled look on his face. "Squire Alan. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if I might have a word." Alanna said, steeling herself. She noticed that Roger was dressed elegantly, in a blue tunic that matched his eye, a cream shirt and dark breeches, richly embroidered. Alanna felt naked in her plain cotton breeches and loose, off-white shirt.

"I have enough time for a word one or two. Come in." Roger stepped aside and waved Alanna in, shutting and (to Alanna's horror) locking the door behind her. Alanna fought a wave of panic as she heard the faint (i)click!(i) of the mechanism sliding into place.

Roger led Alanna to a small sitting room and sat in a brilliant maroon chair. Alanna sank onto a matching love seat, perched on the edge. She noticed that Faithful had not followed her in. _I wish I had Faithful with me. I wouldn't feel so small and scared if he were._

"Alright. Let's talk, Alanna."

His blue eyes pierced her, making Alanna shudder. It seemed that the duke could see her very thoughts and read her soul. Why hadn't she listened to Faithful? Why had she stupidly come here to tempt fate? She had a cat that gave such wonderful advice, so why did she never listen? Alanna came back to reality when Roger started speaking again.

"What on earth should we talk about, hmm? Shall we talk about the upcoming party celebrating our victory in the war? Or perhaps we should talk about my latest lesson in magecraft? No? Well, then let's talk about you and your little secret. Does my dear cousin know that his own squire is a girl?"

Alanna inhaled sharply. He had been using her real name but that was the first time that Roger had called her a girl.

"Yes, Jon knows," Alanna answered carefully, watching Roger through her lashes.

"I figured he would. No wonder he goes to such lengths to protect you." Roger was stroking his short beard thoughtfully.

"Are you going to tell on me?" Alanna rubbed her hands over her knees nervously, not taking her eyes off of Roger, barely blinking. Alanna internally cursed her words; she had sounded so childlike.

"Of course not. I promised I would not, didn't I? You have my silence —unconditionally. You are so untrusting. It makes me wonder what Jonathan asked in return for his silence." Alanna's jaw dropped. She did not like what Roger was implying. She opened her mouth to defend her prince, but Roger raised his hand to silence her. "But I am sure my cousin has been the perfect gentleman."

"Why are you helping me, Roger?" Alanna didn't understand why such a treacherous man would want to help her. Especially when Alanna had made it very plain that she didn't trust him.

"Because I believe in your cause. If a young girl should want to learn the fighting arts, then who am I to stop them? I have seen the women of Shang, the Yamani court ladies, and the Yamani Emperor's assassins. Not only do I believe that girls can be warriors, but I believe in you. I have seen you fight, Alanna." _ And now I know your secret, I can put you in a nice little box. With luck, and help from the gods, you might stay there. But knowing you I am sure you will just rip open the seams to escape. _Roger thought. He surveyed Alanna, thinking he finally understood her.

Roger liked to understand people. He understood his simple cousin, and he understood Jon's simple little friends. He understood Alex, who had been driven mad with need to be the best. He understood Delia and her hunger for power, and powerful men. And now he understood Alanna, who was not a dangerous rival, but another simple minded girl.

There was power in understanding that. Only seconds had passed before Alanna spoke. "I thought you hated me."

"I do" Roger paused for a few seconds "not."

"Good."

"Very good." Alanna didn't know what to say next. She had rehearsed the entire conversation with Roger, her doing both parts, but Roger had completely defied expectations therefore turning her entire speech to scummer. After a few moments of awkward silence, Alanna felt the need to break it.

"I should be on my way." Alanna stood and Roger followed suit.

"I enjoyed our talk, Alanna. I know we will have more very soon." Roger led Alanna to the door, unlocking it and letting Alanna out.

"I believe they will be unavoidable," Alanna replied, speaking true. If Roger had said it, she knew she could trust his words as an accurate prediction of the future. Roger shut the door behind her. Faithful appeared at Alanna's heels. As she walked back to her chambers Alanna tried to wrap her mind around everything Roger had said and done.

Back in his own chambers Roger leaned his back against the door Alanna had just left through, grinning like a mad man. He had solved the 'Alan Dilemma' and now he could relax.

* * *

When Alanna made it back to her rooms she checked in on Jon and by the sound of a woman's laughter. He was entertaining a female visitor. She decided not to disturb him; they may just be talking now but that never lasted long. Nights like these, Alanna was glad that his room was separated from hers by a dining room and a sitting room.

She locked her door and the door connecting her room to Jon's chambers and stripped down to her under things. She undid the ties for the corset designed to bind her breasts, so that she wore only loincloth.

Alanna considered putting on her nightshirt but that seemed like work and she felt very, very tired. In the end Alanna just pulled back the cover and sheet. Sleep did not want to come easily. She felt too hot, so she threw the blankets off of her body. But then she was too cold, and she had to retrieve them from the floor. Alanna tossed and turned, still feeling hot-cold.

After the fact, Alanna had found many more questions for Roger. Such as 'How did you find out I was a girl?' She was always so careful, never letting herself partake in any activity that might give her away. Had Jon called her Alanna once, by mistake? Had she said or done something too feminine? Had Roger seen her naked? There had been sometimes when she wasn't sure about the security of changing in a camp full of men.

Alanna put her face in her pillow and groaned.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

******A/N Here is Chapter Two. Chapter Three is coming soon! **

Since sleep had not come easily, Alanna woke up late. It was mid morning by the time she had done up her corset, and pulled on a tunic and hose. She had just finished getting dressed when she heard a soft knock on her front door. Alanna was still running a brush through her red hair, when she opened the door to admit Jon. "I thought you might be hungry, seeing as you missed breakfast." Jon told her. He was carrying a silver tray. Alanna stepped aside to admit him.

"Thanks, Jon." Alanna sat down on her bed. Jon had already seated himself in a chair across from Alanna. She was sorely tempted to tell Jon about her odd conversation with Duke Roger, and about her fears. But then she remembered the kiss she and Jon had shared in those short moments in her tent, back by the River Drell; not to mention his new found protectiveness. Remembering had been her flaw. She couldn't tell Jon. Ever.

"How did you sleep?" Jon asked after a moment of comfortable silence; although with Alanna's thoughts about their kiss, she had perceived those quiet moments as awkward.

"I slept well enough, thank you." It was a lie. Jon knew, and Alanna knew Jon knew.

"Why didn't you sleep well, Alan?" Jon usually called Alanna by her masculine name even when they were in private. He rarely called her Alanna, whereas George, her other secret keeper outside of family, preferred to use her feminine name. "I just had some things on my mind," Alanna said evasively. "How did you sleep? Pretty well, from what I could tell. What was her name?"

"Her name was Regina. Now don't change the subject."

"Regina of Bay Cove. Impressive. Especially considering she is betrothed to the Earl of Danshame's eldest son." Alanna leaned back and watched the expressions flit across Jon's face. Embarrassment, followed by anger, replaced by sarcasm, and then something Alanna could not name. Finally he settled with uninterested annoyance, if such an expression exists.

"I don't see how my one night stands are any of your business." Surprised, Alanna widened her eyes and scanned Jon's face. It was unlike him to let something go, no matter what it may be. She saw the look in his eyes and knew he hadn't really let anything go. He had seen that Alanna was hiding something and this was just a calculated move in his scheme to figure out what it was she was hiding.

"Standing? You two couldn't even make it to the bed? Or a chair?" Alanna raised her eyebrows at him. Jon scowled at her, his cheeks pale pink.

"Well, we didn't stick to standing. Both an armchair and the bed were used, if you must know." Jon had decided to save himself embaressment by being frank with Alanna; it worked. Alanna's entire face turned bright scarlet, clashing horribly with her hair.

Alanna clumsily changed the subject to thier mutual friends. It was better to talk about them behind their backs than poke fun at eachother and end up upset with one another.

She and Jon continued gossiping while Alanna picked at the fruit and rolls Jon had brought for her. She wasn't very hungry. In her mind she Roger's blue eyes, deep and mysterious lighting up the dark night as she stood, or rather sat, guard. What had his thoughts been when he found out Alanna's sex? Again, the question of how he found out was brought to the surface.

"Are you alright, Alan?" Alanna's eyes snapped back to Jon's. His eyes were blue, so much like his elder cousin.

"I'm fine, I just dosed off for a moment."

Jon nodded in understanding. "Probably because you didn't sleep well. And you didn't sleep well because..."

"I am not telling you, Jon. How stupid do you think I am, if you thought I would fall for that?" Alanna snapped. She shouldn't have snapped, or looked away again, refusing to make eye contact. Jon knew something was wrong now. Making his excuses, Jon left to spare himself anymore of his squire's fury.

When he opened the door to walk out, Faithful slipped past inside to Alanna's chamber. "Where have you been?"

_Out_, Faithful replied mysteriously. Alanna prickled with annoyance. She hated when Faithful disappeared and wouldn't tell her where he went. He didn't do it often, luckily. Occasionally when he returned from such ventures he would just appear at her side.

"'Out' is not an answer."

_In fact, Alanna it is. _Faithful replied, whiskers tilted forward in a smirk. _What happened when you confronted Roger?_

Alanna regaled her cat with every word that she and Roger had exchanged. She explained her worries about the possibility of double meanings, and her frustration that she couldn't read Roger's intentions.

When she had run out of words to say, Faithful stopped grooming his chest and blinked up at her with lilac eyes almost matching her own lavender. _I won't say I told you so. But for the record, I previously stated that your current state of mind would be the result of speaking with Roger._

"So basically, you told me so," Alanna answered dryly. Why did Faithful have to look so smug?

_In a manner of speaking; what are you going to do?_

"I'm going to find a time, and ask him how on earth he found out." Alanna pretended to be sure of herself but Faithful could tell she wasn't.

_That is a very good question. How did Duke Roger find out you are a girl? Not even your friends know._

"You know I hate lying to them."

_Are you pouting?_

"No." Alanna pouted, falling back onto her bed, reaching a hand up and pulling a pillow over her face. _Why does it have to be me?_ She whined internally.

—

A few uneventful days passed before Alanna was able to speak to Roger in private. The bell rang, symbolizing the end of morning classes and the start of lunch. She signaled to Jon to go on with out her, wiped her hands on her breeches, and prayed to every god she knew (It was an Impressive list) that Roger had not found out by seeing her naked. One person had already found out that way, and she didn't want another to find out in a similar way.

Roger knew she was standing before his desk, but played it like he did not, fussing with some papers, dipping a pen in ink, putting his pen to paper, pausing to think before starting to write. Alanna cleared her throat and Roger glanced up, feigning surprise. "Yes?"

"How did you find out?" Alanna blurted. If she hadn't gotten the words out right away, she was sure that she would have choked or lost her nerve.

"You aren't one for subtlety," Roger pointed out. His pen had met paper again and he was no longer looking at Alanna, but writing. Whatever he was writing was not in Common and Alanna could not read it.

"How did you find out?" This time it came as a whisper. Her eyes were round and deep as two glassy ponds.

"I did some digging." Roger was so nonchalant. He sounded as if it had been easy to figure out her deepest, most well kept secret. He had stopped writing and was turning his pen in his hands. Alanna's eyes felt drawn to it. It was black and sparkled; the tip was silver, black ink dripping off it like blood. "Why don't you stop worrying about why I found out? You should trust me."

Alanna nodded, distracted. "Now if you will excuse me, I have work to do." Alanna walked to lunch, and spent the rest of that day in a daze.

As she lay in bed that night, she murmured to Faithful as she rubbed the base of her cat's tail. "Why don't I trust Roger? Why _can't_ I? He's got style."

_You don't trust him because he's as treacherous as a snake. Style is unimportant_.

Alanna stopped scratching.

"Not all snakes are poisonous. Most are harmless; some even have medicinal properties," Alanna whispered.

_Do you really think he is the harmless kind? Keep scratching_.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**A/N Sorry for the long wait for Chapter Three. I've got Chapter Four half finished, so with luck there won't be as long a wait for that one. Again thanks to my Beta, MageNellofGalla. Visit her profile, read her stories!  
**

A week passed. It was the evening of another boring court party. Alanna was dreading having to go; Jon had told her that she was to attend the party with a smirk that promised payback. She had _accidentally_ let it slip to Raoul that Jon was now bedding spoken for women. The teasing had been endless.

So here she was, forced to go to another formal event. This time she was not lucky enough to be serving. Jon would no doubt force her to socialize, dance and pretend to have fun. _Is sixteen too old to put frogs between your knight master's sheets? _Alanna wondered as she did up the ties on her silk shirt. She pulled on a richly embroidered tunic and checked her reflection.

The door opened; Alanna could see Jon standing in the doorway in the corner of the glass. "You ready?" Jon asked, eyes glinting with mischief.

"Almost." Alanna glared at her prince's reflection. Sighing, she turned and followed Jon into the hallway, resigned to a night of uncomfortable awareness of her true identity. Alanna was not so innocent to have never heard rumors of people who prefer the same sex, but as she did not, she felt very awkward pretending she did.

—

Alanna found a nice quiet wall to hover around; maybe her presence would be forgotten. Then again, Alanna could try escaping the ball through an upper window on her flying pig. Leaning back against the wall, Alanna watched a parade of courtiers all in their finest.

Alanna's eyes drifted, glazed over with boredom. Her interest was sparked when she found Roger, richly dressed as always, whispering in Delia's ear. It did not seem as though he was crooning sweet nothings, like other men so often did. His words, whatever they may be, seemed important and had a profound effect on Delia.

_Is he telling someone my secret after swearing not to?_ The icy claws of fear gripped Alanna, briefly. She shook off her worry. Roger was most likely just flirting, nothing more. A sliver of doubt stayed with Alanna, despite her best efforts to shake it off.

—

It was late by the time Alanna had a chance for bed. The party had gone on well into the night. Alanna sat on edge of her bed, rubbing a sore foot. Best efforts aside, her attempts at avoiding dancing had been in vain. There was a soft knock at her door. Alanna could not fathom who it could be at such a late hour.

She slid down from her mattress, bare feet cold against the stone floor. Alanna walked slowly across the room and opened the door just a crack. Peering out into the hallway, Alanna saw Roger. _What would he be doing here at this hour?_ Faithful commented from the bed.

"Your Grace. Do you know the time?" Alanna asked polity through the door.

"May I come in?" Duke Roger raised one arched brow.

"It's very late." Alanna informed him, stepping aside to admit the duke.

"I suppose it is. This will only take a moment." Roger slipped in, eyes scanning the room before him. Alanna shut the door behind Roger and turned to face him. Roger's attention snapped back to Alanna; he could not help the surprise that flashed across his face. He was so used to seeing 'squire Alan' but now, with Alanna in her nightshirt he truly saw the women. Alanna felt very uncomfortable once she realized that her breasts were unbound.

"What?" Alanna demanded defensively, crossing her arms over her chest.

Roger smiled at her, regaining his composure. "I was a little curious... You know how we scholars are. What are you planning on doing after you get your shield? You can't plan on keeping up your little charade, can you."

"Satisfying your curiosity couldn't have waited until morning, my lord?" Alanna scowled, eyes narrowed at Roger.

"No," Roger said simply. He was examining Alann's book shelf, running a deft finger along the spine of one of her favorite novels. Alanna stood in the center of the room, not sure what to do with herself. A heavy silence fell over them. Alanna couldn't find the words to break it. It had occurred to her that she was no longer afraid of Roger just... unnerved by him.

After a few very drawn out moments, in which Alanna's heat beats and breaths were audible, Roger broke the silence. "Are you going to answer the question?" He looked over his shoulder at Alanna. He had taken one of the books off its shelf and was thumbing through the pages.

"I always assumed that once I got my shield I would travel to exotic places and find adventures." Alanna muttered sheepishly. Her plan was a child's fantasy, really; she did not want Duke Roger to see her as a child.

"You are an adventure seeker, aren't you Alanna?" Roger slammed the book in his hands with a deafening thud. Alanna whined at the noise. Jon was only two rooms away. _What would Jon think if he found Roger in my rooms this late at night?_ Alanna wondered.

Alanna remained silent. Roger closed the distance between them, his dark blue eyes searching amethyst ones. He felt a sudden urge to... Roger did not know what. He leaned forward, reaching a hand up as if to brush his finger's along Alanna's jaw. His movements were against his will. Roger had to take control of this situation. His hand fell, like a puppet with cut strings and he stepped back. "I bid you goodnight."

Alanna watched as Roger turned on his heel and walked stiffly from her chambers. She hadn't asked him about Delia. _Was he going to kiss me?_ Alanna thought as she climbed into bed again.

Right before she drifted off, she heard Faithful confirm her suspicions. _He was going to kiss you, you know_.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Alanna blinked sleep from her eyes as she scowled at her saddle horn. She had just been roused by three bright eyed looking knights and their squires for an early morning ride. The sun was only just peeking over the horizon, and after such a late night, all Alanna wanted to do was sleep.

"Why was it so crucial to go riding before dawn today? I swear I only got three hours of sleep last night!" Alanna complained.

"Because the summer season is fleeting, and I have no doubt that we will be unable to get you outside after the fall equinox. Ergo, we must take advantage of every outdoor moment we can!" Jon replied with too much cheerfulness for a half asleep Alanna.

"Just great..." Alanna murmured, head lolling forward to rest her chin against her chest; she didn't even want to make an effort to stay awake. Chilly morning wind danced through the treetops above them. Alanna held back a yawn. Not for the first time, Alanna was glad to have Moonlight; without any guidance from Alanna the mare kept pace with Jon's Darkness.

As the sun slowly peeked out from over the horizon, Alanna began to feel much more awake and alive. She sat up straighter in her saddle, and kicked moonlight into a trot. She pranced ahead of her friends, still annoyed at the early hour. No one who knew her would say Alanna was a morning person. They rode on for another hour, Alanna finally joining in the playful conversation her knight friends were having.

When they made it back to the palace stables, Alanna decided to give Moonlight a thorough grooming. She waved away Jon's offer to wait for her, telling him she'd catch up with him at breakfast. She started to brush her horse's thick mane, moving her hands lovingly over Moonlight's coat. Once she had finished brushing Moonlight's mane and coat, Alanna lifted each leg in turn to clean out Moonlight's hoofs.

Alanna turned when she heard someone come up behind her. Azure eyes stared back at her. Roger. "What a gentle mare. I've always admired your horse." Roger was patting Moonlight's neck. In his hand, he held a sugar cube which he offered to Moonlight.

"She's a sweet girl," Alanna replied, standing and dusting off the knees of her breeches. She watched Roger apprehensively. He turned to her, a bland expression on his face. Alanna pulled and twisted the lock of hair that hung over her temple.

"Do you play chess, Alanna?" Roger asked her, watching her shift nervously with vague interest. He fleetingly found that he rather fancied the idea of him, Roger, unnerving her, Alanna.

"A little, your grace. I am not that good."

"Oh, I can't believe that. Let's have a match, tonight. Come to my quarters after dinner, and we shall see if you are good or not." Roger swept off, but Alanna could not shake the feeling that he was still scorching her with those dark, beautiful eyes.

—

That evening, Roger set up the chess board. He was eager to see Alanna's skills. In his mind, chess was an engaging back and forth, relying on wit and intuition; the ultimate sport. To him, chess was not a game. His scheme for the Tortallan crown was much like a chess match. Just instead of capturing pieces he bent them to his will.

A timid knock on the door alerted him to another's presence. His head snapped up. He let a thread of his magic loose, muttering an incantation that let him see through the door. It was Alanna. Roger smiled to himself and moved to open the door. His hand closed around the door handle; he paused before twisting and pulling the door open. Roger smirked at the red-headed squire that stood in the doorway.

"Come in; sit down." Roger shut the door and watched as Alanna seated herself on the side of the chess board the black pieces were set up on. Roger walked around the table and settled himself before the white pieces. Alanna appraised the board. Roger watched her through his lashes, head tilted down and to the side. "I'll be nice, and let you go first even though you've chosen black."

Roger thought that it was rather ironic that Alanna controlled the black pieces and he the white. Black was a color often attached to evil, to death and destruction. Whereas white almost always symbolized purity and goodness. Alanna didn't have a shred of darkness in her, of that Roger was sure. She was good through and through.

Roger, on the other hand, always felt that darkness, the beast of night within him, vying for dominance. He could only just keep the evil madness at bay with his plans for the Throne. He felt drawn to Alanna's innocent belevolence. An unconscous part of him wanted to be as selfless as she was, as good as she was. Alanna made him want to be a better man. That same inner part of him thought if he was near Alanna she might make him good. _We really are black and white, just reversed. _Roger thought bitterly.

He returned his thoughts and eyes to the game; he had been inadvertently staring at Alanna as he thought. She was just moving her pawn forward two spaces. She then leaned back and waited to see what Roger would do. He selected his knight, which he carefully moved out of its captivity behind the pawns. It turned out that Alanna was very good at chess. The game moved quickly— or as quickly as a game of chess can move.

Alanna's preferred the simpler pieces; she used her queen and rook the most, ignoring her pawns, knights and bishops. Roger's strategy was more aloof, all knights and pawns. He began to pick off the unattended black pieces. Alanna had only half her pawns and one of her bishops before she realized what was going on and captured both of Roger's knights. Roger raised his brows. He would have to change his tactics.

Roger distracted Alanna with a flashy show of moves on the far side of his board that left his king "exposed." While she moved her pieces in for the kill, Roger snuck three pawns to Alanna's side of the board. He had them one move after the other, one near the middle and on either end. He moved the first pawn onto Alanna's side of the board. He waved his hand and a stream of orange magic left his fingers. The pawn transformed itself into a queen.

"You can't do that; that's cheating!" Alanna exclaimed.

"The rules specify that if a pawn makes it to the far end of the board it becomes an officer. I prefer the queens. The rules do not say that one's queen must have already been taken, nor do they have a limit on how many queens one can have on the board." Roger stated, eyes glinting.

A light flickered on in Alanna's mind as she understood what Roger had been doing. She took one of his pawns with her bishop, but it was the pawn that was two spaces away from the end. Roger moved that pawn and transformed it, too, into a queen. The game ended after only three more moves; Roger had surrounded Alanna's king with his three queens.

"You played a marvelous game, Alanna." Roger told her, getting up and walking around the table. He stood behind Alanna's chair, his hands resting on the back of Alanna's chair.

"Thank you, Your Grace." Alanna looked up, trying to see Roger.

"Enough with that nonsense. Call me Roger. We're friends, aren't we Alanna?" Roger asked her.

He glided around the chair and offered his hand to Alanna. She took it waveringly. Roger helped Alanna to her feet. He was going to let go of Alanna's hand, but something told him to keep holding it. Instinct took over when she started to pull her hand out of Roger's grasp; he tightened his grip and pulled Alanna against him in one fluid move. His other hand came up and tucked a stray lock of hair into place. Looking into her clear lavender eyes, Roger felt an urge to kiss her. He felt his mouth go dry, and his palms had had many a fling with court girls, and even a few men but he had never felt nervous! Roger started speaking. He chattered when he was nervous apparently. Luckily, even when flustered he was as smooth as ever. Well, almost as smooth, anyway.

"I'm very surprised none of your little playmates has guessed your secret yet. You're so pretty, so feminine. It's no wonder my cousin has crush on you." Roger whispered. His breath blew across Alanna's face, hot and sticky. She felt her heart beat speed up and found it hard to breath. Roger could feel Alanna's heart beating against his chest. She opened her mouth to say something, but the words wouldn't come. Before she could get herself together, Roger decided to take advantage of the situation. He leaned down and pressed his lips against Alanna's. She gasped. Roger captured her bottom lip with his.

With that kiss, Alanna's system fell into anarchy. Roger was a good kisser. His lips sent every nerve on fire, and made her blood pulse. Alanna could not shake the fact that it was Roger kissing her. Roger was dangerous, unpredictable. He had it out for Jonathan! But as much as she wanted to, she couldn't make herself pull away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**A/N Alanna's rant in the second scene for the most part belongs to Tamora! Everything else (besides the characters and Tortall universe, but that's a given) is mine.** **Sorry this chapter is so so late! I'm already on the next one though.**

Alanna had no idea how she managed to get back to her rooms that night. Her mind was spinning, trying to make sense of the last hour. The kiss had felt so sudden, so... Alanna didn't even know what. Roger had to have some alterier motive. Had he really kissed her? He must have, because if Alanna had imagined the kiss then she would have to ha crush on Roger; and she did _not_. _Sure Roger is striking, with his dark eyes and coy smile..._ Alanna shook her head at her folly._ I do_ not _have a crush on Roger._

Alanna couldn't fall asleep that night. She kept worrying about Roger. She wanted someone to talk to, but Faithful was nowhere to be found and she couldn't really talk to Jon, could she? No. George was out of the question. He wouldn't be able to understand. First thing tomorrow she would go see Mistress Cooper. She already wanted to ask Mistress Cooper to teach her some of the feminine graces. She could casually mention that Roger had kissed her.

A knock on the door made Alanna jump. It was the door connecting her room to Jonathon's chambers. "Alanna are you there?" Jon called when she didn't answer.

"Yeah, I'm here." Alanna replied, sitting up and pulling on her dressing gown. "Come in." The door creaked open revealing a still fully dressed Jon.

"You didn't check in with me after your chess match. I wanted to make sure you were ok." Jon's voice was soft. As he spoke he crossed the room and perched on the edge of Alanna's bed taking her hand in his.

"I'm fine, Jon. I was a little distracted." Alanna assured him, squeezing his hand.

"What's on your mind?" Jon asked.

"I don't really know." Alanna admitted. It was true; she really didn't know. Jon's presence was so comforting that her earlier worries seemed almost frivolous.

"Hmm." Jon was looking at Alanna oddly. "I suppose I'll let you sleep now."

* * *

Alanna wrapped her coat more tightly around her body, trying to shelter herself from the autumn wind. She rapped her knuckles firmly against the door and waited, shifting nervously from foot to foot. This was a bad idea. Alanna was about to turn and go, but Eleni Cooper opened the door. "Hello. Can we talk?"Alanna asked shyly. To late to back out now.

Mistress Cooper motioned for Alanna to come inside. "It's been a long time little one. Come into the kitchen and I'll make us some tea." Mistress Cooper led the way, her willowy form casting long shadows in the hallway. They chatted lightly about things for a few minutes as the tea brewed and Eleni set out the cups and dishes for the tea.

Once both women had steaming mugs cupped in their hands Eleni asked "What's on your mind?"

Alanna lapsed into her story, a flurry of barely comprehensible words. She explained that Roger had found out she was a girl and told her he knew during the war. She told Mistress Cooper about the chess game and finally Roger's kiss. All through Alanna's story Eleni just nodded. When Alanna had no more words Eleni took a long sip of her tea.

"That's quite a situation you're in."

"That's an understatement!"

"What does your knightmaster, Prince Jon think about all this?" Eleni raised her eyebrows at Alanna and set down her cup. "You didn't tell your prince. Why not?"

"How can I?"

"You think the prince would react badly?"

"I never know what to think when it comes to Jon anymore." Alanna sighed. Mistress Cooper gestured for her to continue. "Well Jon blows hot then cold. Sometimes I'm his best friend in the world and sometimes I'm poison. It doesn't make sense. He kissed me. In the Drell River valley. He talks as if he doesn't like George, except that can't be true because he comes down to the city to see him when I'm occupied. He expects a lot from a person.

"If I go to the social events with him- and he makes me go- I have to have every hair in place. I have to have better manners than everyone else. I have to dance with all the ladies, as he does, even though no one else has I to. I tell him I feel like a fool, and he tells me it's better to be fool who's considerate then a fool who's isn't.

"But if I really talk to a lady- or even Gary or Raoul- for a bit, he gets angry! He says I mustn't lead the ladies on, and accuses me of flirting with Gary and Raoul in the same breath!" Alanna sat down and gulped her tea. Two rants in one visit; that must be some sort of record.

"I can see how things are confusing for you. Have you considered a romantic relationship with your prince or the duke before?"

"No..." It was then that Alanna remembered her original reason for coming to see Mistress Cooper. "Would you teach me how to dress like a girl? I might as well learn now. I am going to be a girl someday."

If Eleni thought that Alanna's request had anything to do with Jon's or Roger's new found attention, she didn't say.

* * *

The next day Alanna had another magic lesson. She dreaded this class with all her heart, but she couldn't just skip class. She followed Jon into the classroom and they took their usual seats near the back of the class. Alanna kept her eyes trained on the table, excluding short glances to the front of the room, and Roger.

Time slowed; well really Alanna was extremely aware of it's passage. She didn't really hear Roger explaining the magic behind wax figures. When the long class was finally over she stood and pushed through to the front of the room, trying to get out outside as quickly as possible.

"Ahh, Alan would you mind staying behind for a minute or two?" Roger called looking over the heads of his students. Alanna cursed silently and turned on her heel.

"Of course, your Grace." Alanna walked stiffly back into a room that was rapidly emptying. The last of the students had left the room, the door swung slowly shut. With the light streaming in from the hallway through the open door gone the room seemed dim; Roger had no lamps or candles lit, and shuttered windows gave only so much light.

"I thought we discussed this. You're to call me Roger." Roger leaned up against the edge of his desk comfortably. He noted that Alanna was looking nervous. Roger probably shouldn't have kissed her. That kiss had been... unwise of him. Every move he made was calculated, all part of a brilliant plan; but when he kissed Alanna he was acting on instinct. Although it had seemed like the right thing to do at the time, kissing Alanna had taken him way off track.

While Roger was contemplating, Alanna merely nodded at his statement. She didn't feel like calling Roger by his given name at the time. "What are you thinking, Alanna?" Roger asked softly. Alanna jerked at his soft tone.

"Nothing, y... Nothing."

Roger had an idea then. He was going to see how far he could take this. He raised his hand and brushed a lock of fiery hair behind Alanna's ear, his hand caressing her cheek, coming down so his fingers sat just beneath Alanna's chin."Come on... Penny for your thoughts?"

"How did you find out about me?" Alanna asked.

"I checked the records, the official ones. They clearly state that the Trebonds have two children, twins, a boy and a girl. Anyone looking through the records could see. Don't worry; I changed a few things." Roger murmured.

Alanna was clearly touched. "Thank you."

"It's nothing. That is what friends are for." Roger leaned forward and kissed Alanna. Alanna started to pull away, but kissing felt nice. She leaned forward into Roger's embrace.

As Roger kissed Alanna he reminded himself that this was all for some greater purpose (although he hadn't figured what that purpose was yet) and that he was _not_ harboring a crush on Alanna.


End file.
